Getting Yourself A Submissive

If you want to indulge that impregnation fantasy of yours, or basically any fantasy, and cultivate a longer term arrangement/relationship than you’d have with a hooker, then you need to get yourself a Sub – or Submissive.

Because it’s part of a Sub’s raison d’être to please you – and if hearing her beg for you to knock her up is your thing – as it is around here – then you’ll get just that.

And with gusto from a good one.

A good one

The whole escort thing has its place: it’s expedient, and you get what you want, but it can get to be expensive and I understand the vague feelings of “cop out” that you might have when it comes to using one.

I’ve only ever done it the once myself, wrote of it here, and I did it when my young date suddenly dropped out and I needed a replacement in order to enjoy my Friday night. Of course that didn’t quite go as well as I’d hoped, but it had a happy ending in terms of sex, if not service and value for money. That was also a pretty vanilla date, too.

But, as I get older, I’ve less aversion to the whole concept, but I’d damn well want something I couldn’t get elsewhere if I was paying for it, though…

However, as you get older, while that may be a negative down the local meat market for picking up 20-something chicks in middle age, it is prime time for the whole Dom and Daddy Dom thing in the BDSM scene.

Being in your 40s (and beyond) is actually a positive if you want to hook-up with the younger women.

And you don’t necessarily even need to be in all that great shape. I’ve seen profiles where the women want some dad-bod older fucker to use them as it’s part of what they get off on. Years back I remember one profile where the girl was seeking hairy arsed old truckers to screw her in their lorry cabins, and the fatter and uglier the better(!)

This is mild in the BDSM scene

Yup, things can get that fucked up.

That said, though, be aware that getting one of these chicks, the competition is fierce and if regular dating sites have a ratio of men to women of 20:1, on the BDSM dating sites it’s more like 50:1.

The women have an endless parade of dick offering itself, flooding their inboxes.

So, it takes time and a bit of luck to get a decent one. Or ones. And it takes some effort too, as you’ll have to login most nights and check out who’s online, and what’s happening: do it now and again, and like the gym, you’ll get fuck all out of it.

That means paying membership fees, and that can add up depending on how many sites you’re on. In fact if you join them all, and leave it as rolling membership, you could be looking at around £100 a month… which is a hooker for 1hr or less.

But that’s not as fulfilling as moulding your own Sub, and of course your own long term Sub is a lot cheaper.

Some of these women are okay with one-off bangs, but equally as many want a longer term relationship, and for it to be exclusive i.e. it’s a regular relationship with a “Sub” role play bolt on.

And it can get to be a vanilla long term relationship too as the “Sub” role play diminishes and it just gets to be mainstream relationship as time goes on: come Friday night you’re both watching TV with cups of coco, instead of fucking the shit out of her ass, with her tied spread eagle to your bed.

So, you got to guard against that. How couples who live with each other and profess to keep up the Dom/Sub thing 24/7, I do not know…

Living the life 24/7

… well, I can guess: there are a lot of over baked folks in the scene.

Meaning, expect your Sub to be some flavour of fruit loop too.

Now, that can be a little, or it can be a lot, but most (not all!) of the women coming to this I’ve found… are “off” somewhere in the wiring so be prepared for some surprises, and be prepared to make allowances too (hell I gotta be a bit “off” too!).

They gotta be a bit off to have taken the sex urge to the final phase and openly wear a collar proclaiming to be “owned” to the world.

Or to those in the know at least.

But it is damn kinky when they take that step…

Now that doesn’t mean every damn woman in a choker collar is a Sub declaring her “owned” status, but once you get into the scene… you start picking up on just how many woman are wearing what can be called “day” collars.

Not a full fledged dog collar with spikes and studs, but a choker with pearl or classic “O” collar.

As I say, once you get into it, you’ll start seeing it more… and wondering….

But collaring your Sub is a ways off – you have to get one first.

Slow down, cowboy!

I’ve reviewed theBDSMsite but there’s more sites you can set up camp in. Adultfriendfinder and its sister site ALT and the free BSDM dating site.

The free site is what it says on the tin but whenever anything’s free, you never get as serious participants – look at the shit show Plenty of Fish is for example.

It’s worth a signup and checking in every few days, but I wouldn’t rate it as a staple, and you certainly need to be a member of more than just that site if you’re seriously looking – but it is 100% free.

Adultfriendfinder (AFF) and ALT are worthy of their own reviews. I’ve been dipping into them since 2004 and they’ve changed a lot over the years, and you really need to at least be on AFF.

ALT bills itself as the hardcore BDSM/alternative lifestyle site, but in reality you get a lot of crossover with AFF and I don’t find ALT as lively as AFF.

Put it this way, you get way more active women proclaiming themselves as Subs on AFF than ALT. ALT seems like a boon at first, but it doesn’t have the same turnover of new signups as AFF and is more expensive.

If I had to recommend one site to be on, it’d be AFF. TheBDSMsite is a good complement as its a different audience and your VIP membership means you can contact non-member women and they can read and reply. That’s an extra £12 a month on AFF, but worth the extra so you get the most out of the site.+

Hey, I never said this was a cheap hobby!

Speaking of which you get the glorified prostitute Sub who’s looking for a Sugar Daddy. In exchange for an allowance or gifts, you get a “girlfriend.” Quite how much is expected I don’t know and I imagine expectations vary from girl to girl.

I would also imagine these girls keep as many guys as they can juggle on the go too, to grab as much as they can. I wouldn’t expect anything “exclusive” from this lot, and I steer clear: they’re vultures.

A smile that says, “My cock has died and gone to heaven!”

I had a brush with one a few years back, though, a local girl, who looked me up and messaged me. Offered to be my “secret girlfriend” – this was when I was in a mainstream relationship at the time – but wanted £5,000 to pay off her credit card haha! Slightly overpricing her pussy, even if she really did have the whole Ariana Grande look down pat – and was half my age.

I finally talked her down to “gifting” her £200 a “visit” but never went through with it… well, she visited me one time, we got cosy on the sofa, but money never exchanged hands and never proceeded to the bedroom.

She’d have done it, though, of that I’ve no doubt. She was giving me a free sample to try and get me hooked, because when I got fresher than just kissing, the subject of money came back up again… I wasn’t getting it without paying for it, and I was only for paying in “instalments” as I said.

She had to leave mine at 5:30pm, at around 5:10pm we had the money conversation again, and pissed off with her, I said, “Look, I’m not giving you a couple of grand, but through in my bedroom is my wallet, and it’s got £200 in it. But if we go into my bedroom to get it, we’re staying there. Do you understand what I’m saying to you?”

She nodded.

But I reminded her she was leaving at 5:30pm, and we didn’t have time… to which she replied she could stay till 7:30pm… but our own Dodgy Dave was coming to pick her up and take her home at 5:30pm and I wasn’t for paying anyway, so let it go, I just wanted to see if she’d really do it.

And she would have. True story as Dodgy Dave can attest.

Butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth

So that was my one and only brush with a parasite looking for a Sugar Daddy.

The ones I go looking for are younger than me and that I find attractive.

That may sound odd – saying I “find attractive” but you get as wide a range of women in terms of looks as you get on any regular dating site.

And saying that, you shouldn’t dismiss any profile as “fake” just because it hosts a pic of an attractive chick – you’ll be surprised – and remember it’s a big world, and it absolutely does play host to a multitude of women who get off on the idea of being used/some dude’s fuck toy.

You don’t even need to go to these sites to find them – there’s a lot of BDSM in regular, so-called vanilla relationships too. Couple years back I was dating a very attractive Romanian 15yrs my junior, was kissing her and I asked her if she liked a certain way I kissed her… to which she replied I would have to “teach” her how to kiss me properly.

A signal there if ever there was one from a budding Sub.

That same night I fucked her from behind, hard, with a handful of her hair, pushing her head down onto the mattress, and yanking it back to whisper in her ear that she was mine now – just to test the waters – and she fucking ate it up!

And this was someone I met in a bar – was a real looker – so don’t delude yourself these chicks aren’t out there, and can’t be hot.

In fact the hotter they are, the more fucked-up they can be. So the more fucked-up you are in the “looks” department, can be a bigger turn on for them.

Now, these chicks aren’t going to take you on with 25yr+ age gap down the local watering hole in town, in front of all their friends…. but safely screened away on a BDSM site, they may well.

To play Dom you don’t even have to be built or in shape – I’ve seen pics posted of couples and a perfectly attractive 20-something girl has hitched her wagon to a dad-bod, balding, loser of no discernible status at all.

And I mean that – you see some of them pictured in grim looking front rooms and no one living like that has ‘money.’ The love nest of choice is a cheap hotel like Travelodge too. No one (or not many) are dishing out the five star Christian Grey treatment.

So don’t think you need any more money beyond your membership or have to look like Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime. No matter how physically fucked you are, there’s some chick out there who’ll get off on the ‘degradation’ of sitting on your cock. And I’m sure you can live with yourself knowing that too.

A typical scary looking Dom earlier today

However… as I said, I caution that the competition is fierce. Any new girl worth a damn signing up will be snapped up within a few days, such will be the legion of choice appearing in her inbox. So profiles can appear, be live and then die off completely as a new girl is taken off the market.

That competition can mean too that even if you get a reply, and get into conversation with a woman, she can disappear at a moment’s notice as a better offer appears: don’t kid yourself that she’s just messaging you.

And you should not be just messaging her, for that very reason. You always want a few on the go, because nothing is done till you’re both lying in bed, smoking the metaphorical cigarette together.

And that is whole obstacle course to get to.

My usual routine is initial message – and I use a “shock” message to get attention and differentiate myself from all the vanilla “Hey beautiful” and cock pics, and it’s a pretty binary response: the women either love it or ignore it. From there I immediately jump to Kik. If the woman hasn’t any face pics on the profile (Kik or dating site) that’s the first thing I ask for. No point wasting time if you just don’t like the look of her.

On Kik I then flesh out the original message in sections to gauge reaction at each step – I’ve done it so often I just copy & paste that section from other conversations. If the woman goes with it, then when we get to the end I ask for a video, nothing risque, just a head & shoulders shot, of her saying my name, and making reference to something we’ve said in conversation i.e. something a catfish couldn’t produce in other words. I usually suggest a suitably raunchy sentence or two or suggest the woman “shocks” me. If this is refused, I assume a catfish and disappear.

From there, I like to move to Facebook messenger after a day or two, as it’s easier to type using my laptop, and the conversation thread and any pics or vids are retained and stored in Messenger. With Kik you lose everything as soon as you sign out. Messenger also means you get to see a real profile of a real person – and so does she.

And from there, set up a meet. I usually suggest meeting at mine or in my home town first, and offering to cover reasonable travel expenses and/or hotel on arrival – otherwise, you can go travelling and be left with your dick in your hand and be out of pocket. It happens a lot, and to women too. One woman I chatted to had guys turn up who’d obviously used their sons (or an younger man’s) picture when she opened the hotel door. She’d had no shows after booking rooms, and even one time a text while in bar, of a guy saying she looked so beautiful he was scared to come in and had driven off(!)

I dropped out of chat with that one above  – who was into hardcore rape fantasies – because she refused bareback, even with health certs. I told her I couldn’t really see myself stopping to pull a condom on if I was the crazed rapist she seemed to want… but she wasn’t for it, so we said our goodbyes.

So, yeah, be aware, this is like trying to get a fire started using a flint or two sticks if you’re a guy, and it’s a process apt to fail at any given moment i.e. the woman disappears.

Some you can see the interest dwindling… and when the interest goes it has only one cause: another man. The answer is always, it’s another man.

I’d one recently that seemed like my soulmate/cloned (from me) for me, but after a series of ups & downs, dramas and heart-to-hearts – all online(!) – it just didn’t happen. It was all change from one week to the next, wherein I’d go from “amazing” one day, to not even worth a reply the next. It was frustrating and confusing to say the least… but I kept coming back for more because I liked her and she was beautiful (a deadly combo). It’s easy to develop feelings without even meeting – ask any guest on that TV show Catfish – but this woman was totally real and no catfish.

What I failed to notice, was what was right under my nose: the woman had a fear of rejection and suffered from seizures which were essentially the physical manifestations of mental health issues due to a traumatic past… and was a classic Borderline Personality Disorder sufferer (BPD).

She wasn’t a nasty or unkind BPD, none of the vitriol and explosiveness you get with some (or at least not that I experienced), she was always pleasant, but the “soulmate” thing that so confused me was simply “mirroring” me and the idealization phase and love-bombing they engage in with every new partner (or guy chatting to online): so you’re told you’re “amazing” and all sorts of other great things that deludes into thinking you’ve got a great connection… but it’s not real, it’s a mental script and performance every dude gets, and is reeled in with: if you could get access to a BPD’s messaging/Kik/texts, you’d see you were nothing special, that everyone else was “amazing” too. It’s just par the course, behaviour designed to avoid rejection by being the person they think you want them to be.

As is the sudden vanishing act/silence that follows after a few days or weeks, that leaves you scratching your head, wondering where your “great connection” girl went, and how she could so easily jettison you.

It’d be unfair to label everything she said to me bullshit, because in the moment of saying it she’d have believed everything she said… but next moment or day, was a fresh page, and it meant nothing then. Combined with her good looks I got blinded to the obvious and taken on an emotional roller coaster ride with a head fucking par excellence.

It’s what BPDs do, they’re emotional chameleons, and they do it to everyone.

This beach scene didn’t happen. At least not with me.

But I wasn’t left pissed off by it. The woman had a good heart, it was hard not to like her, and she was fucking herself over most of all; she just had demons to contend with is all.

So that said, keep your eye on the ball, and if it’s too good to be true (you’re too “amazing”), it is.

But it’s always a game of Prisoners Dilemma you’re both playing, so try not to get too attached, and as in the case above, I couldn’t be too pissed re wasted time, because I was messaging several other women at the same time too, and went on to hook up on with one even younger than her after she disappeared (she was 27, the hook-up 23) and for Dodgy Dave’s money was even better looking – in his humble, but informed opinion.

But I still liked the other one more, because like all BIPDs, when she was good, she was the best.

It’s just how the game is played, though: it’s frustrating, but it is what it is. I disappeared on a 39yr old seeking a vanilla extra martial affair as she wasn’t biting at the Sub bit, and also a hardcore Sub/Slave my own age, who was up for everything (and I mean everything) I threw out there, but just didn’t do it for me.

And I know that must’ve hurt her as she was real into me… but what can you do?

Which leads me to say, it’s not all sex, and there’s real people and feelings in all this that can get mashed up, your own too, nothing is ever “no strings” despite what a profile might say.

And the biggest complaint re feelings that the women have is the proliferation of married men on these sites.

Which you may be too. I make no judgements and don’t care.

Me, I’ve heard the sob story from enough of them to have no sympathy. Like how in fuck can you date a guy for more than a few months, never mind years, and not snap that he’s married? Like your texts only get answered Monday to Friday, 9-5, because that Pay As You Go phone is left in the office work drawer all weekend where the wife will never find it. Or meets are always a quick fuck in a car park or cheap airport motel on the edge of town, all paid in cash, and rarely over night… and you can never get their Facebook or home phone number… c’mon, gimme a break haha!

If women expect sympathy for that then I’m looking for an invalidity pension for the hangover that ensues after drinking a bottle of whisky!

So if you’re thinking you can’t hoodwink some chick, believe me you can if you want… but if it all goes tits up with the wife (and your kids and home) that’s your call, my friend.

So that’s a ramble on finding a Sub. Which is enough for now.

Training one is another post 😉

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